We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
