my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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