Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
