Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
