I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
