Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
