So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
