Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
