i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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