Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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