You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
