There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
ok first of all what the fuck
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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