I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
