Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
