I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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