You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
