You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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