Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
