I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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