she looked like the before picture.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
