I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
