I wanna passion pit in your ass
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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