Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
