'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
