I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
