im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
