last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
