You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
