Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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