Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
