He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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