piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
