they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
