He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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