my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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