Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
