He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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