all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
