2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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