my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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