can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i think im in europe. pls send help
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