Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
even my farts smell like vagina
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My dick has a subreddit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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