the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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