This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
