Sponge bath it is.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
