FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
