I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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