Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So much rum. So many feels.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
