I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
