i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
