hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
