He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
