Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
