respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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