so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
